"You're Still in There"

2013. 48" x 48". Acrylic & charcoal.

   This is the second self portrait I have done. The photos I used for reference was taken about 4 months and 40 lbs. ago. I struggled with this painting for a while. I started and stopped and started again several times. I kept drawing and redrawing, painting and repainting, over and over.
    Self portraits are difficult for me. You have to deal with the image you see with your eyes, the image you see in your head, and the image you see on the canvas. It's easy to lie to yourself and make yourself  "prettier."  But I think it's important to be honest with yourself. I don't look like this anymore, but I did. I wasn't happy in life, and I reflect that in the painting. Maybe that is another reason why it was difficult to portray.
   I'm not completely happy with the "finished" painting, but then I'm almost never happy with any "finished" painting, because to me, they are never "finished." I think a lot of artist can identify with that statement.
    It again took a great deal of courage to do this painting, but I felt I had to do it. Like all my paintings, there is a great deal of my psychology, my emotions in this painting, but with the pose and subject, it's easier to see. It is a reflection of an unhappy, point in my life, but also, a point where I was beginning to make some major changes.